Skip to main content

It's still not happening - what's going on?

 

The second month actually went by quite quickly. We tried to keep up an appropriate schedule for trying, but this time without all the pressure and expectation.


Just relax” you’re told “It will happen when you least expect it”. Okay, fine. In theory this is sound advice, but in reality, really?? Trying to not feel the pressure when you’re trying to conceive is a lot easier said then done.


Before we knew it, it was time to play the ‘will it be a period, or a pregnancy™’ guessing game. Thankfully, this time we both felt more relaxed about the whole thing. I guess it was that first try nervous excitement that takes over, whereas after that, it’s easier to be a little more rational, and remember the statistics of the likelihood of conception first time around.

Just like the first month, it wasn’t to be, we weren’t as discouraged this time around, but it still was a sinking feeling.

After many more months have gone by, you end up in a repeating cycle that feels like it’s on an automatic mode; it starts with a period, then ovulation, sex, sex, sex, a nervous wait, then…. another period.  Crap.

There are occasions where you don’t really think about the number of months that have gone by, other times you can’t help but dwell on it, thinking there must be something wrong with you. Was I hit in the balls too many times as a kid? Are we doing something wrong? Am I not eating the right things or taking the right vitamins?

As the months tick by, you start to blame yourself more and more. There must be something wrong with you, it’s the only explanation.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Not this time!

 I'm not going to lie - the first few weeks after our first 'attempt' were stressful. You know that the chances of first time conception are rare, but just over a third of couples conceive within the first month. 1 in 3, that is more than good enough odds for me to have hope. We've had friends, and have known about people conceiving on their first try, why can't that be us too? I don't like to think of myself as impatient, but those first few weeks dragged. You try and keep busy, but every third thought drifts off into parenthood of some kind; What if it worked? I wonder what the gender will be? You spend more time than you should calculating the birth date, which leads onto further thoughts of schooling - will they be young in their school year? Or old? What is better? Does it really matter? Should we have waited for the correct school-year birthday? No, that's just silly !  ...It's hard to rein your thoughts in.  During that first month, it was cle...

Starting to feel isolated

 Rachel and I married when we were fairly young by modern standards; but that was by design. You see, I wanted to marry young, so that there would be plenty of time to have no-dependants fun, and we did as I explained in a previous post.  It was a couple of years or more after our marriage when our friends started to get married, and as the months and years went by after this, there seem to be one baby announcement after another. Don't get me wrong, I was always absolutely delighted to hear their news, and even more excited to meet the new member of their family, but each time the news broke, a bigger and bigger piece of me felt more isolated, and dare I say it, frustrated at my plight.  I could see the unease in Rachel's eyes each time a new baby announcement from friends was made, she knew that it would start "the conversation" again between us again. It usually did, and each time we would go around in circles, until we mutually agreed that it was best to "lea...

Lets start at the beginning

 Life is " simple "..  You go to school, you finish school; you go into work or into higher education and then into work; somewhere along the way you meet the partner of your dreams, fall in love and get married, and buy a house together.  Once you've done all that, well, society dictates that two is not much of a crowd, and so you need to multiply your family numbers. That has always been my understanding, and in many ways, desire. I'd even mapped out my major life events, and what age I expected to be when I achieved them. Lets see, Finish school at age 16 - check Sixth Form - check University - check Meet a fantastic woman - check Somehow convince that fantastic woman that I was worth spending time with - A miracle, but check Grade and get a job - Yup, that one too Married by 25 - Okay, we were married a day before my 25th birthday, close enough! Buy our first house together - Nailed it. By November 2013 at the age of just 25, I was ripping through life's unloc...