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Starting to feel isolated

 Rachel and I married when we were fairly young by modern standards; but that was by design. You see, I wanted to marry young, so that there would be plenty of time to have no-dependants fun, and we did as I explained in a previous post. 

It was a couple of years or more after our marriage when our friends started to get married, and as the months and years went by after this, there seem to be one baby announcement after another.

Don't get me wrong, I was always absolutely delighted to hear their news, and even more excited to meet the new member of their family, but each time the news broke, a bigger and bigger piece of me felt more isolated, and dare I say it, frustrated at my plight. 

I could see the unease in Rachel's eyes each time a new baby announcement from friends was made, she knew that it would start "the conversation" again between us again. It usually did, and each time we would go around in circles, until we mutually agreed that it was best to "leave it for now, and come back to it another time"

Please don't imagine Rachel and I having huge rows with plates flying all over the place; these conversations were never heated (well, perhaps once or twice it was; but we'll blame tiredness for that one). Rachel and I both knew that getting angry wasn't going to solve anything, and it was best to keep talking about our feelings about the matter.

We had always been excellent talkers about absolutely everything up to this point, so we both saw huge value in that continuing. I would frequently try and explain that the new Rachel was awesome, and that I wouldn't want her to give anything up for the sake of having children. 

Our running club friends have children, we can be like them. It shouldn't be the barrier. I was also insistent that should we have children, I would be happy to make sacrifices (such as staying at home when Rachel wanted to go running on club nights - not all the time of course, but considering the sacrifices Rachel would have to make whilst pregnant, it was the least I could do), I was happy to make these choices in the name of having a family, but it was a big barrier for Rachel to overcome.

..and in the meantime, another baby announcement - Huge Congratulations! (but sigh)


More talking was required.



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